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Recently I was with a friend when a red-winged blackbird swooped down and started attacking her head. A bird is attacking my friend! Flapping and scratching and screeching, in the middle of a highly populated park with kids running around.
The same thing happened to me several years ago while jogging. Twice. In the same location. After the second time I gave wide berth to that area to avoid the mad bird. I no longer live in the area, so that’s another way to avoid that mad bird.
Logically I knew I was safe. Nothing bad happened in the ‘attacks’, but still it freaked me out. I felt slightly nervous, jumpy, watchful every time I jogged by that same bush.
Our brains and bodies are hardwired for safety. A small bird is no real threat to my survival, and yet, those moments of red-winged blackbird close encounters left a little mark.
It’s all about survival.
The primitive parts of our brains are not great differentiating between real life threats and just mini-threats to our egos. That part of brain’s entire job is to be on constant lookout for danger. So if you have a negative experience around your creative or performing endeavors, that too might leave a mark.
As a professional pianist, people tell me all the time about a desire to learn play the piano. Or sing. Or learn another instrument. Often people I meet will remember fondly when they could do those things and wishing they could do it again, but...
SOMETHING. GETS. IN. THE. WAY.
Sometimes that thing getting in the way is fear or the effects of old creativity and performing wounds.
If this is you, be kind to yourself. Your brain and body are doing their jobs of looking for danger, remembering potential threats and doing their best to keep you safe.
It is challenging to tolerate these unpleasant emotions and to remember that they are normal, part of being human. Remembering this is normal makes healing possible. By tending to those hurt and sticky places, relief happens. New courage is found. Compassion is uncovered. Creativity becomes unfettered.
If you’d like more information about relating to fear, consider signing up for my newsletter. You’ll receive a link for two videos on Dealing With Fear, and a page of Quick Hits for Fear. They can be used for anything in life that triggers fear, not just performance. My clients and I have used these tools to quit jobs, deal with conflict, create better boundaries for time and family, not to mention for performing music on stage in front of hundreds or thousands of people.
She’s made music with Chicago’s finest arts organizations, including Lyric Opera, Grant Park Festival Chorus, Music of the Baroque and Light Opera Works (now called Music Theater Works). Marta performs as a soloist and regularly with some of Chicago’s most talented singers. She teaches through Chicago Opera Theatre for Teens and in private vocal studio.
Blindsided by a serious bout of performance anxiety several years ago, Marta nearly quit being a musician. Instead she sought ways to tackle this problem. She studied with Dr. Noa Kageyama and enrolled in improv acting classes at IO Chicago. She dug into the underlying causes of her performance anxiety, acquired new tools and coping strategies, and experimented through the improv classes (which caused absolute terror on a weekly basis). She overcame her performance anxiety and gained greater life skills by connecting to the inner work of being an artist.
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Photo credits: Red-winged blackbird by Alan Murphy. Marta Lettofsky by Tina Smothers.
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